I am a complete junkie. I’ve been a heroin/cocaine addict ever since I started my MBA from the Lahore School of Economics back in 2009. It affected my studies and I dropped out in my first semester. I continued working though because I had completed my BBA. I got a few good jobs in MNCs, but all the money went to drugs. After I broke up with my girlfriend, the heartache got me further hooked on the drugs and I overdosed. I was admitted in a hospital and remained paralysed for three days, but I was miraculously alive. In 2011, nearly two years after I started taking drugs, I decided “enough was enough” after that episode. I informed my family about my addiction and I went to rehab to get cleaned up. Unfortunately, I once again got into a social circle of toxic friends after which my family almost gave up on me and asked me to return to my hometown.
Heroin still haunts me. Here, I searched for a reliable dealer and got hooked on the drug again. In 2013, I was sent to rehab once more and when I completed my stint there, I returned home and remained indoors for almost two year. Can you believe that? Two year is a very long time and during that period I just kept cursing myself for my addiction. I’m finally getting engaged next month and since the past couple of months I’ve been using heroin on and off. Please help me end this habit for good.
I wish I could help you. I wish I could tell you that by doing this and that or by taking this and that action you can be rid of your addiction completely. But sadly I can’t. In fact, nobody can. It might sound cliché but the truth is that the only person who can help you is yourself. Period!
If others could help you then you wouldn’t still be an addict. Your family – especially your parents whose love for their children is supreme – wouldn’t have let you suffer like this. Neither would the doctors under whose care you must have been treated during rehab.
The others – family, friends, doctors, well-wishers, etc – can only act as a support system, which is extremely necessary too by the way, but they can’t do more than that. They can’t get rid of your addiction. Only you can. It’s only you who can sum up enough willpower to kick this addiction of yours.
What I can do though is to start off with making you realise what the price of your addiction has been so far.
- You couldn’t complete your MBA and had to drop out in the first semester. Not only must this have cost you a financial loss but also the sacrifice of your aspiration and goal to be a post graduate. Plus all the perks of being an MBA working in an MNC.
- Having to leave a career in an MNC in a cosmopolitan city like Lahore – which could have done wonders for your career – to return to your hometown.
- Spending your hard earned money on drugs.
- Emotional loss of your girlfriend leaving you, whom you must have loved greatly that you got further hooked on drugs.
- Being paralysed.
- Time and money spent in rehab – twice.
- Remaining indoors for two years.
- Wasting eight years of your life (2009 to 2016) because of heroin.
- Nearly losing the support of your family.
- And the most horrific of all – you nearly died.
What else do you want to lose in your life before you decide that enough is really enough?
And the sad part is that yours is not the only life that you are destroying with your addiction. The lives of your family have already been negatively affected by this addiction of yours. I am sure they are very upset, sad and stressed by this condition of yours and must constantly live with the fear that you might again turn to drugs – something which you confess you already have started. I am sure your parents have shed quite a few tears seeing you in this condition.
And what about the girl that you are about to get engaged too? Do you honestly believe that she deserves a fate like this – of being married to a heroin addict? My guess is the poor thing remains ignorant of the ugly fact that she is about to get engaged, and eventually married, to a heroin addict. She might know that you were a junkie before but does she also know that you have started using drugs again?
And how do you intend to fulfill all your responsibilities and obligations as a loving, caring and responsible husband towards your wife when you can’t even take care of yourself? And what will happen when you have children? Are they going to live with a father who is a junkie?
I am not trying to over-dramatise your situation. I am merely trying to make you see the negative effects of your addiction not just on yourself but also on the people around you who – by no fault of their own – will also suffer or are already suffering.
If I have come across as harsh in my answer to your problem then I apologise for that. But the fact of the matter is that you need to realise how many lives you are wrecking because of your addiction. You really need to get a grip on yourself and try to kick your addiction. I know it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either.
On the bright side, you are lucky to have your family with you who are willing to help you. Not every heroin addict has this blessing – of being surrounded by a supportive and loving family.
Another positive factor is that in the past you have been successful in kicking this addiction – even if it was temporary. This shows that you have it in you to do it. You just need to do it again but this time permanently.
It won’t be easy. It never is. But you can do it. And believe me you owe this much to your family and to yourself – a good, clean life without addiction.
All the best!